At least Im bright enough to stay out of the control panel and remember my passwords. But I explained that I feel like Im being put on the spot- and I would prefer that she just ask me what she wants. Now, when someone asks, I reply, Im not sure what Ill be in the mood for. If someone responds with an offer of plans, I can then say, Nice! Tucker makes the case that there is a war against Christians happening in America on 'Tucker Carlson Tonight:' TUCKER CARLSON: You always imagine in your mind's eye that it's evil men who destroy . I love days where I have no obligations and I can go where the wind takes me. So far, everyone Ive said this to has gotten the message that I want an obligation free day. Its funny I dont even register the question How are you? (Ive lived equal times on the West and East coasts of the US), but I see a couple of UK commenters upthread and when I lived there I never, ever got used to You alright? which, functionally, isnt that different. I think people are missing the fact that LW is talking about some instances of this running down lines of power and dominance, which is why this is such a problem. One girl mentioned the How are you? and said shed learned not to answer it truthfully because people dont actually care. All of us Americans responded that, well no, its not that we dont actually care. If you already made someone admit that they do not have Serious Plans, of course at this point saying no to your invitation is going to be so much more difficult, because its going to be rude! good response to "What are you up to tonight?" - reddit And then if its something I dont want to do BUT its a person I dont want to discourage, I can say, That sounds like youll have fun! That it can be based on something as intangible as a mood. Thursday is good for me. Silly Friend: do you want to do (thing)? Ive got annoyed enough over this that I have been uncharacteristically assertive and told him that I dont like being asked out like that and that Id prefer that he just ask me outright about whatever activity it is and the date. - Anthony Burgess - Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. I recognize that the question can DEFINITELY be used to intentionally or unconsciously other people, Her problem with it seemed more about having to answer it ALL the time than any implied racism or xenophobia. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" - Mom Advice Line This meme will hilarious remind them. 1. no one tries to rope me into something). LW, this struck me as a pretty extreme response. Ive had a fear of seeming bossy or overbearing, but Ive found in the past few years that people really seem to appreciate someone getting the ball rolling. Sadly its never QUITE a lie, hahaha. Anyway, the grad students said one woman asked, How do you think she got like that? and others nodded with pursed lips, agreeing that there was something wrong there. I understand how it can be othering and I never ask anyone where theyre from first. If I had a tail, I would wag it! Just ask! (I am also not her only parent, so I dont get to act unilaterally. Here in Scandinavia using this question might lead to really strange conversations since people might assume that it is indeed a serious question which deserves a serious and thorough answer (though this varies between different countries and areas). But I dont ask them where theyre from, because its really none of my business; there are other kinds of small talk to make. Me: Working. Maybe shorter comments go through immediately but longer ones need mod-approval? 2. I have one dear friend in particular that has the busiest social life I know. Yay! And just because my plans dont include hanging out with anyone or leaving my home, it doesnt mean that I am free or willing to cancel them. Fine, thanks, and you? You dont sound like you belong here isnt really the friendliest way to get to know someone, even if the intentions are good. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. Thanks for the invite though!. Need some help actually. It doesnt matter if those plans are eating candy while watching Netflix with no pants on, they technically are plans. Thats thats exactly what makes it a microagression. E- Engage in the fun. It means people will help you less, go out of their way for you less, give you poorer recommendations for your next job, and on and on. I can vouch for this strategy! Its a lot easier (for me anyway) to answer when I know what Im answering. So, it's important to read the situation and know how well the person asking you out will respond to a little joke. Evenings and weekends may take us a little bit longer. Why? I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend. You can begin with, "I hope this email finds you well," which has the same meaning as "Hope you are doing well". Youre my first choice, but you are not my last hope., (3) So, I know this is a little awkward, but recently Ive realized I like you in a um well, in a romantic way, and I would love it if we could maybe go out on a date sometime and see how that goes? Reluctant runners just need a nudge. Oof this is hard, because how you deal with it can and will vary so wildly depending upon whos doing the asking of you. Sometimes we have plans that I can adjust if there is something she wants to do. "Better days are coming. I feel like my best friend and I do this back and forth a lot, but thats because we understand there are tiers to plans. If you're worried your co-workers or boss will assume you need more to do if you don't talk about your heavy workload, go for this response. Again with the caveat that you have to tell the person whom youve used as an excuse that youve done so! For me, it was lack of basic adult civility and respect that was the death knell I didnt expect safety or that level of support after 18 and didnt feel wronged that it was not given. They have the right to call on us and expect us to come through. It can be all consuming, leaving no time for askers invitations or request, or totally flexible and cancellable if there is something you would like to do. Ah. LW is pretty clearly not talking so much about people making casual small talk as people being roundabout manipulative. We received your email and will get back to you with a (human) response as soon as possible. Feeding a giraffe. Once in a college class, we had a group of students who had American parents but had grown up in other countries come and talk to us about the experience of having a foot in two cultures. Published: August 09, 2021. Also, Ive had dozens of this same conversation and witnessed hundreds more: [person comes up to their friend] Thats a very uncomfortable and isolating feeling. A question is not a legal summons, you can literally ignore it if you want! Theres just no way, you see, that this is what a womans mind does, what she is for. For me, laundry is a good excuse, because you can make it seems as small or as big as youd like. Those on the other side never see it that way. Oh man.I think this sort of thing bugs me because my dad very carefully taught me to ask/invite people for a specific activity/time precisely to avoid this scenario. Its not over-sensitivity when people react to it theyre reacting to what they know is likely to be underneath it.. They dont really need the details, and wouldnt know what to do with them. If you both talk about what to do in the garden (I know you probably dont own one, its an example), is it a conversation like I want to plant radishes Well, I want to plant flowers Fine, then we plant one half with flowers of your choice and one half with radishes and everyone waters everything? I am a pessimist, so I assume I am pissing someone off if theres the slightest ambiguity in communication. Depends, why?, even if said with humour, does tell the asker that I might be open, but that itll depend on the contents of the invitation. LW gets that we all know this, and should be less friggin bigoted about shoving our nosy questions at a population for whom nosy questions are constantly tied to real threats of violence. Another get out the LW could use is, Im still figuring out my plans for that daywas there something you wanted us to do together? and then Yes, thatll work, if you want to do the thing, or Hm, I dont think I can fit that in, if you dontno need to specify that the thing that it wont fit into is a day of sitting around in your pajamas and binge-watching things on Netflix. I get what are you doing this weekend? or just what are you doing? on a Saturday morning. It is really really worth it for people in all possible situations to understand being ethical as something you need to work on and not as something you already are by default and need no guidance and no dialogue for. This is how I deal with it: But it is a cost. Funny Response to How Are You There are many fun things we could say and people will think that you're smart and interesting! But I have made a major effort to train myself to STATE WHAT I WANT first. The Captain covered it with saying the question isnt going away. If you are an academic assigning my posts in your courses, Id appreciate an email with a copy of the relevant syllabus/assignment for my records/CV. I really like this point! Dont do that to a friend. Youll all be healthier and live longer if they learn some manners in how they treat you. Of course, you might have said that when you know that movie will be out for weeks and youd absolutely prefer to have an excuse to build a couch cushion fort and have an audience who is actually impressed by your terrible magic tricks, and no one wins. Ugh. Funny, But True Weekend Quotes That Will Make You LOL So Hard The Captains advice is great. Ive never found it made any difference at all for invitations its not like I told them how much time each activity Im doing will require or what other boring chores I will also be doing. No one asks or cares, but its as vague as the original request and helps facilitate the DELAY! tactic the Captain talks about. Good, I just saw the cutest squirrel.. Of course, what you do will be just as big of a surprise for you as it will be for them. Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? I like babies and pets just fine, but unless the baby is under a year old and sleeps a lot, and you have a super chill pet, Im not up to the task. I can get behind being annoyed with the sister whos trying to manipulate her into babysitting, but I think theyre reading a lot into the question when its being asked casually. It gives them nothing, and forces them to divulge their plans. Its all back to the lines of dominance and power again. Where are you from is often followed by no, where are you REALLY from which seeks to establish that you are a foreigner. Its not an actual request for information, its a greeting and acknowledgement of each others existence. Thats my favorite response! Ill assume thats the case and check back later. Thats where I am as well with my kid. Also, again in the UK, if the person is literally asking, the emphasis will be strongly on are. So when you talk about watching her leisure time and knowing how she spends it all, I hear a situation that would be psychologically unhealthy for a teenager, let alone someone in their mid-twenties. Because this is very much a dumb conversation filler question and its not going to go away anytime soon. Take care of your boundaries! Im glad youre no longer friends with that jerk. To me layering (which I definitely do) is more about putting my information out there first and hinting that Ill be chill if you say no, as opposed to initiating the conversation while asking the other person to show their cards first, which feels at the least unfair, and at the most, as you say, like a trap. So setting a rent that I would for any other adult is simply not applicable. The one my family goes with is Surviving. Then we give a quick heads up to each other in the event that the person asking (such as mother-in-laws) will then turn right around and call spouse. I agree with the Captain that its all about boundaries. Theyre almost certainly not trying to pry into information you consider private! YOU WILL NEVER FORGET THIS VIDEO. None of us see each other over weekends. Ive now got a standard policy of dont know, Ill have to check my calendar and get back to you. I was surprised what a relief it was to move to a completely different part of the country where I at least have the option of blending in. I ask what are your plans for the weekend? *overwhelmingly* more often because Im genuinely curious: then they ask me, and we talk about our hobbies (or I say not much and we agree that laying around is nice.) Since "doing" is an action verb, we need to use the adverb "well" to describe that action. Totally fair and perfectly polite. I loathe this question, and Ive been getting it a lot lately. Even when its not meant as a hostile act (merely as an exoticising one thats so cool/I used to want to travel there/is it true that people there do x) being othered never feels welcoming. Yeah, I ask this of people because Im making conversation! But why would you feel entitled to her time to help with party favors for a party youre throwing? At least, it never has for me! What is the stuff?? Obviously Im talking here about people Im friendly with, not friend-friends, but I cant imagine having got to the stage of being friends with someone who was inclined to rebuff me expressing interest in their life. I guess turning down invites is probably just a point of stress for me though, because people have historically gotten annoyed at me for being busy and turning down their invites, when its just like Please find out if Im actually available first so you dont take it personally that I cant hang this weekend?. He taught me that its always polite to leave someone a face-saving way out of a social situation, so if you want to ask someone to go do something, give them a certain date/time, so if they dont want to go they can say sorry I have other plans without anyone feeling awkward. (Women with STEM doctorates especially get constant streamers of this kind of contempt from their families.). I didnt feel like talking to her much for several months. Is everyone busy? Here are 11 ways how to respond to what are you doing when your crush/partner asks: 01 "I'm just here thinking about you." This is a cute response that will let your crush/partner feel special because you're letting him/her know that he/she is on your mind. I have a friend that would ask me what Im doing and when I say, Nothing the next thing is, Well, lets meet for lunch and then irritation and shock when I say Id rather not. Its like theyre trying to help you come up with justifications for saying no before they even ask you the question. No, seriously, TheDukeDevlin has the correct answer. to add: I think if there are people youre close to who do this a lot, like your sister, you can just tell them its a small thing but it bugs you and can they please ask a different way. Now the only person allowed to see my personal calendar is my husband, who is completely uninterested. Personally what works for me to feel non-imposed-upon is for someone to either tell me I have time to think about it, say hey if you cant I understand or similar, and generally act like they care about my opinions, feelings, and consent. That's why you should remember these funny responses to "what are you going to do with your life" for the next time the question pops up: If you have no idea what degree you're going to get or where you want to live in the future, pretend that you have something big planned, but don't want to ruin the surprise. And we do know that extreme surveillance is a very brutal and destructive form of torture. . It can mean I want to make plans if youre freewhich, for me at least, isnt so much plan it for me as planning is hard, lets establish if theres even an open time slot before we nail down the details. Flip the question back on them. This is probably part of why I am frustrated by this conversation, because by most conventional social norms, you are actually doing nothing wrong. More words, people, not less. See how thats all about you, and your kids, and not at all about her? To read all future answers to your comment, please bookmark this page. It is one of my pet peeves. Its really not you, its them. And then if Im busy (in truth or not), I can say, Oh sorry. And then both go on to other things. Fill in the gaps using the correct form of Future Simple Tense. Its just in the past year or so that its cropped up repeatedly, with different people at different establishments. It happens every time I get him as a teller. Because shes a family member. And I have an aunt who, when I was younger, my preferring to do nothing plans often translated in her head to free babysitting for her boys. Mother likes to trap me. I used this to train my mom to use text/email instead, because 1) I hate phone and 2) a written message means much less chances of either one of us getting the details wrong. Id like to do a bit better with my own kids. But I dont want to? They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). This business of hanging on to parental authority as a form of rent, however, has already damaged your relationship, from what youre saying. I have learned over my decade plus of retail experience that the key to small talk that doesnt annoy people is to feel out what they seem excited to talk about. And they tend to be very very very sure of what counts as racism (nothing they do/say, of course), with an overlay of you should be grateful I am nice to you to wrap it all up. If you have plans, just say so. So, I have learned its a lot easier if I answer I might be working that weekend (which has the benefit of being true, I do work most weekends) and then find out what she wants to do and decide if I want to go. We cheerfully said we were free, assuming there was going to some festive get together and wanting to make friends. The kids DO like my origami and I was able to get in some geometry pointers with that. In this post, we'll throw out tons of ways you can tackle this question, from funny to maybe even downright rude. Funny Answers to How Are You Doing? Funny Bumble Answers #4: Ironic, Nerdy-Cute Guy Im struggling not so much w/ her being at home as I am w/ my worries about her, and with trying to decide whats the best thing for me to doapply pressure? Its mostly me trying to figure out a friends general level of free time and not impose if theyre busy or dealing with a crisis. Good old traffic, Ill probably be stuck out all day!, or Nope, gotta get the groceries, what about you?, or Nah, looking forward to some peace and quiet, hows your Wednesday looking?. But sometimes its manipulative, as LW also said. LW specifically gave examples of when it happens and why it annoys them, yet dozens of people are trying to splain that this is just small talk in their part of the world. The only exceptions are: 1. When I am planning an event I usually offer a description of what I have planned first and then we move to scheduling but most of that is done in social media or by e-mail these days. One of my long-time boundaries is I wont date a guy who cant properly carry out an invitation and follow it through. Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) This is a great one because it invites the other person to tell you something that they want to share. I miss you though, can we plan dinner soon? And I have a date Saturday, but I would love to get a phone call-catchup on the calendar if youre freemaybe Sunday afternoon? (These examples are all people I want to spend time with I also use a lot of swamped this weekend! I used to preemptively dodge any potential would you like to / can you do X follow-ups by making vague allusions to being busy upfront (PASSIVE), and then Id weakly paw away their insisting that I can/should be able to do it because THEY think I have the time to. (that said, I do aim at treating her the way I would an adult roommate.) But it can still be frustrating to deal with. Also Go ahead and get your friends to hate me and think Im mean, if its ever helpful to you. And even if she did pay money (not rentbut to share in the household expense, which is different from rent, even if it is the same amount of money), I would still consider her to be part of my family and as such why WOULDNT she pitch in when I needed her to? But they seemed concerned that this type of answer was not appropriate or that there might be a better strategy. I also think that most of the people I hang out with get this, and with the exception of more formal plans, would agree. Lots of commenters here are noting that people ask about weekend plans as small talk. (And if you are Susie, forget about it!). Id like to leave you with a couple of last thoughts to consider: One is that you say she has reacted to, We are going to by hearing a command and responding accordingly. Its a little more inconvenient to go to a different branch, but I do that sometimes, or mobile banking or attempt to time it so that I end up with another teller.
Clay County Judge Lester, Financial Literacy For Students Ppt, Mark Reilly Strong Island Photo, Cities That Allow Roosters, Articles F
Clay County Judge Lester, Financial Literacy For Students Ppt, Mark Reilly Strong Island Photo, Cities That Allow Roosters, Articles F